School Violence

It happens everywhere, and often times it goes unnoticed. Bullying. Most, if not everyone, at one time or another has dealt with bullying either having directed it at someone or have been the target of it. You may not think that it happens at your school, but look for it and you will find it does indeed exist. Bullying can come in the form of rumors, jokes, pushing or shoving, name calling, among many others. The intent is to harm someone who has something different about them, and this isn’t right or ever okay to be apart of.

Often times the victims won’t share because they are embarrassed or afraid of the reaction by their peers or other adults. If you are the victim of bullying go to a counselor, teacher, or trusted adult for more help. Or, if you have not been directly affected, but still want to help stop bullying in your community, start a club at your school, talk to administrators and teachers about what you can do, or even start an after-school group. It takes an entire community to effectively combat bullying, so get your friends, family members, and other organizations to partner with you in standing up against this social issue. Test your knowledge of bullying by clicking here, you may be surprised at some of the myths of bullying that I know I have even fallen for!

You may believe that it is just a teen issue where kids are only initiating their peers and this isn’t a big deal. However, often times, bullying doesn’t always go away as you become an adult. Adults can be bullies too and even take it out on their own children, peers, and colleagues. Did you know that 60% of bullies have at least one criminal conviction because their behavior carries on into adulthood? Check out these websites for more information about what steps you can take to help get rid of bullying.

Facing History and Ourselves

It Gets Better

The Bully Project

Breaking Bad Habits

We all have them, yes even you. Bad habits are considered bad because they can be or are harmful to us. For instance, if you chose to handle your stress on a regular basis with eating candy instead of going on a run or doing yoga, that may be considered a bad habit because in the long run it can actually hurt you more than help you. Other bad habits include not using proper hygiene etiquette (i.e., deodorant, toothpaste), using tobacco, drinking alcohol when you are underage, or using mind and body altering substances. We know these are bad for us, but how do we kick those habits and form new ones?

The first step is to understand how habits are formed, whether good or bad. So, the first thing that helps us form habits is a trigger. A trigger can be anything ranging from a bad day at school to a fight with a parent to acing a test. These things “trigger” your reaction, which is the second part to forming a habit: “reaction.” After you react, usually you are “rewarded” somehow, like feeling better or gaining something.

You can’t change a “trigger,” which goes to say that you can’t control people’s actions or what they say to you, but you do have the option of changing your “reaction.” Even making a mental note to try to change your behavior will have drastic effects, but if you add in actual moves to change what you do you will slowly make progress in breaking those bad habits. This is not easy, but I did read in an article that said even being somewhere completely different, like going on a vacation so to speak, will make you change your usual routine. 

Some things you can do to relieve stress would include exercise, which could be just going on a walk or playing a round of basketball with friends or doing yoga. These are great because instead of turning to alcohol or smoking which is harmful, you will still be getting a “reward” for your good “reaction” and helping you in return. Maybe instead of always having sweets after a frustrating day, chose almonds and dried fruit or even fruit and yogurt mixed together every other day. There are various things you can do that will help you be healthier all around. Also, things are always better when you have friends to help you, so talk to them and make it a weekly thing!

Love Is Not Abusive

With Valentine’s Day freshly gone and relationships and love at the forefront of our minds, it is important to remember why we keep those healthy relationships and throw away those bad ones. But, how do you know if you are in an unhealthy relationship? Did you know that “Kids who witness violence between their parents are at higher-than-average risk to be the abusers–and the abused” (according to Possession Obsession from Teaching Tolerance Magazine). And, which may not be known, boys are equally likely to be the victim of dating violence as girls are.

There are several indicators that may help you determine if you are in an unsafe relationship. For example, if you partner is controlling, perhaps they want you hang out with them and only them and get jealous and angry when you hang out with others of the opposite sex or with you normal group of friends. Often times, when this occurs, you become isolated over time, which can result in you losing friends and then depression.

It is obvious that you are in an abusive relationship if they put you down verbally, physically hurt you, or even pressure you to have sex or acts that are sexual in nature when it is against your will. Even kissing, when there consent (yes!) is not given, is considered abusive. If there is not a “yes” or even slight hesitation, that all means “no” and you should respect your partners decision even if you
don’t agree with it.

LGBTQ youth can be especially vulnerable to unsafe relationships because their need for secrecy may make them not as willing to report abuse compared to straight youth. In addition, they may not know anyone else who is gay and thus don’t feel like they have anyone to talk to that can relate to them and their situation.

Support systems are essential for anyone who is feeling like they may be a victim of dating abuse. Try to make a list of those who you feel comfortable talking to at you schools, in your homes, and in you communities (Henderson House in McMinnville, OR is a great start). Also, if there is a trusted friend you can turn to it helps to set a plan with them, along with creating an identifiable word that is code for if you are feeling threatened so that your friend can act as soon as possible. To find out more information click on this link, which will take you to the Teens Health website. Remember, no one ever deserves to be abused.

Dealing with Family Drama

There is no doubt that every family is dysfunctional (even the ones who look like they have a perfect family, DON’T) and has some drama in their lives. For instance, sisters constantly bickering and trying to out-do the other, or a father who is only invested in his son if he is athletic and successful, or a mother who is over critical of her daughters. Some form of drama has effected our lives one way or another. Maybe a friend you know has runaway from home, or is cutting themselves to escape the pain, or does drugs to numb the mind and body to escape. You are not alone.

Did you know…

Half of all runaways left home because of a disagreement with a parent or guardian.

Please know that are other ways to deal with family drama than running away or hurting yourself by cutting or drugs. It is agreed that a certain amount of time away from the conflict can help calm people down or help put things in perspective, but don’t let that time span increase too much. Sometimes that can do more harm than good.

Here are a few suggestions to dealing with family drama. One of the first few things to try is family mediation. Usually these services don’t cost much, if anything, and is set up with everyone in mind. Typically there is someone around your age that is advocating (aka speaking for/supporting) you and there is someone there to advocate for your parent(s)/guardian(s) while you both try to sort out your differences, with some extra help, of course. If you want more information on family mediation, stop by Youth Outreach and we can help you set up an appointment with one in our county. If you aren’t able to find a place that offers family mediation, you can always talk to a school counselor or teacher.

 It is also important to look at those individuals in our lives and think about where they came from, what childhood they may have had, and what life experiences they endured. By doing this, you are able to see why they are acting a certain way or doing a certain something. It may help you put things into perspective, although it may not be easy.

Depending on the situation, you can always set up a board that allows everyone to write down messages on things that are bothering them so that nothing builds up and explodes

Write down your feelings in a journal. This will help sort out feelings you have and really help you figure out exactly what you want to say. 

Go workout or get involved in some extracurricular activity that can help you express your frustration or emotions. This may look like joining an art class or theater class or if you need something that you can really take your anger out on, join a sports club. The point of this is to get your aggression out, but not on others.

These are just a few ideas on how to deal with family drama before taking more extreme measures. If you have any, please post them because they could help someone else!

Feel Smart with any IQ!

There are countless times during our childhood,  pre-teen, teen, and yes even adult years that people test our IQ to determine how smart we are and if we will be successful in life.  There is so much expectation put on us growing up to be smart and to work hard, just based on what our IQ score is and no matter which side you are, you get the brunt of this.

It used to be believed that once an IQ level, always an IQ level. Basically this means that whatever IQ level you receive as a kid, you will have the same IQ as an adult. Recently this theory has been tested and proven wrong! Recent research has shown that IQ levels can fluctuate over time based on the knowledge you receive through learning. Your IQ may increase or decrease overtime and therefore should not be taken as something that is fixed. Typically, everyone learns at a different pace and better in certain environments compared to others. A lot of it is determined by this, while some of it can also be determined by your DNA.

So, why is this important to know? It is because it goes to show that everyone, even someone with a below average IQ, can increase their smarts just by learning over time! It isn’t something you have to be ashamed about because everyone learns differently and finds various things important in life. You have the power within you to be smart and successful, so use it to your advantage!

Don’t know what your IQ is? Take a quick test now!