Getting Distance from Controlling Parents

I was reading a TeenVogue article on pushy parents and how to get them off your back.  It was an interesting article, from which many kids can relate. The article talked about how some parents who have too high of expectations that they wind up pushing their kid away.  How do you deal with over zealous parents? I read a few other articles and tried to compile a list for you. 

First, it is important to understand where your parents are coming from. This will help you deal with your anger and stress at meeting their expectations, but does not excuse their behavior. Sometimes parents can be insecure in themselves and want their child to succeed in these areas of insecurities. Other times it might be because it is a learned behavior from one or both of their parents. Many times, parents do have your best interest in mind, but can come across as being too pushy or strict. There is an article on WebMD that lists what behaviors or characteristics overly strict parents have and other ways they can avoid this.

Secondly, be sure to communicate with your parents.  Sit down with them in a calm and rational state of mind and talk about what is on  your mind. This will help in a few different ways: 1) It will show that you respect your parents and their ideas, but not necessarily agree with them 2) It will show them that you are mature and are willing to deal with this in a responsible-adult manner 3) It will help keep the situation under control and from evolving into a blown-out fight. It is good to include statements such as “I feel…when you…because…”. This will open the door for more discussion about why your parents are acting the way they are.  Also, negotiating with them on issues is never a bad thing either and will usually please your parents without making you feel like you are being taken over by their opinion.

Lastly, chose your battles wisely. This means that you don’t always come back with a comment, but not letting yourself get walked all over. There are times that you can diffuse the pushing by informing them of say how practice went or how you did on your most recent exam or worksheet.  Keeping them updated a little bit without having to bend to their complete and overbearing control is a tactic that can help put some distance between your independence and their control.

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Posted on June 9, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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